Why is it that every time I fall for someone, continental separation ruins it?
My heart has the tendency to be ripped apart thanks to continents coming between it and the people it yearns for. The fact that I fall fast and hard doesn’t help this situation and instead makes it all the more common for me. When the person you want to be with is located on the other side of the planet, things get complicated and in my experience, never works out.
It’s no surprise that I’m a bit of a flight risk. Talk to me for 5 minutes and I’ll start listing all my big ideas to go live in Wellington, New Zealand, or Valparaiso, Chile, or Tbilisi, Georgia. Stability isn’t exactly my strong suit especially since I have yet to find a home. If that’s not enough, my excitability and impulsiveness to drop everything for anything that catches my attention solidifies me as a flight risk. This is also why I always seem to have a broken heart.
Despite being the one with a travel blog, I’m not always the one who leaves. I mean, sometimes it is me. Moving to Singapore for 5 months was the main downfall of my first/only proper relationship. But sometimes it’s both of us, like when I left Singapore and the romance I had while living there ended because we were both heading to our respective countries. Even when I’m stable and grounded to a certain place for a while, I’ve had a couple boys leave to go back to their home countries never to be seen again. If I’m not the one leaving, he is and it’s always in opposite directions.
How does this keep happening? Am I just subconsciously sadistic with my heart? I’m secretly sabotaging myself from having a long-term relationship by always dating people who are just as much of an international flight risk as myself. So every 2 months, I find myself on my best friend’s couch crying with another broken heart and laying in bed marathoning travel and romance movies to wallow in my own self-pity even more. I mean, this has to be it. Only twice have I lived within 2 hours of a boy while together. Love has never been easy for me.
Or is the hopeless romantic in me always optimistic that this is the one and I’ll go gallivanting off with them because like I said, I’m always ready to drop everything for anything? It would all turn out like a fairytale movie. The hard times always be made up for with a happy ending. I always convince myself that this guy will be as much of a hopeless romantic as I am and willing to put in as much effort as me. Ha! Yea right. I am indeed a hopeless romantic… or maybe just hopeless.
Maybe I’m just a walking contradiction who wants it all. I want a fun, adventurous life, make art, fall in love, get married, have kids, and wake up everyday excited to see the place I live in. Is that unrealistic? Am I delusional? Probably.
This is how I see it: I can either continue being a hopeless romantic or become jaded. At 23, I think I might be too young to become jaded. So, I guess I’m stuck with continuing my life as a hopeless romantic flight risk.