Monkeys – playful, hairy, miniature humans. Cute and adorable… also vicious creatures that will attack you!!
I’ve already stated on this blog that monkeys be crazy where I briefly talked about how while visiting Monkey Forest in Bali a monkey bit me in the armpit (yea, of all places to be bitten – the fricken armpit). Thankfully, I escaped the incident without any injuries thanks to a local guy that was around.
Since this terrifying-at-the-time-but-now-hilarious event took place, I never shared how that Balinese man saved me from the monkey attack. Which I’m now thinking is good knowledge to have in case you find yourself in a similar situation. I have simplified the actions that took place into 4 easy to follow steps.
The 4 step process to protect yourself during a monkey attack:
Step 1 – Make sure the monkey isn’t actually on you. From my experience, making any quick movement will make the monkey jump off.
Step 2 – Pick up a near by leaf/stick/etc. If there isn’t a leaf/stick/etc. around you, I’d like to know where the hell you are getting attack by a monkey then.
Step 3 – Pretend that you are going to throw what you’ve picked up at the monkey. The monkey will think you are going to hurt it with the little “weapon” you’ve picked up (of course, you aren’t actually going to hurt the monkey because that’s mean).
Step 4 – Continue to pretend like you are going to throw the leaf/stick/etc. until the monkey runs away scared.
AND YOU ARE SAFE!!
Easy now that you know. So, if a monkey attacks you, you can save yourself from being bitten like I was.
NOTE: The purpose of this article is humour and entertainment. I have no real knowledge of how to protect yourself from a serious attack from any animal. This is just retelling my one experience. Remember that wild animals are just that – wild. Please take proper safety precautions when around animals